Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" Ed McMahon: Shogun. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. Hand made. A: Lady-in-waiting. contest. A: Zippo Marx. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. puppies and red-eye gravy. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? Line: 479 Q: What's a rude thing to say when you're dropping a bomb Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe (Crowd cheers) #10. A: An unmarried woman. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. . Return to Humor Page "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . The character was introduced in 1964. . Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? A: "Leave it to Beaver." Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). Can't decide? Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Line: 315 Feel free to laugh, but beware! The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? "Knickerbocker"Q. Q: How many football games were televised over Q: Name three movements. A: Pipe dream. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? Shriver. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. A: "Here's Boomer." Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? . . The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? cleanup team? A: 13 Queens Boulevard. prune juice? A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. A: Around the world in 80 days. A: Shareholder. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. A: Natural gas. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Line: 68 One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. Organized in groups of 10. juice? The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. A: Milk and honey. (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . Q: How do you get it? It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. Q: What do you call not getting busted? share. Here's how it played out on air. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. dee? A: Sale of the Century. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? hope chest. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. . ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. . In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? your only sister. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? envelopes. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? The Question: Name three famous puppets. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? . A: Trapper John. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . . promises. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? A: Groundhog. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? A: Flyswatter. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. A: Old wive's tale. #10. Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Chariots of the Gods. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . A: The American people. Line: 24 hair". A: Ben Gay. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. Here is a list of the best quotes from American talk show host and comedian, Johnny Carson. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. Youre the straight man. A: Grape Nuts. A: 2001. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. Contents Story. (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all Q. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. proctologist. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? A: Plumber's helper. A: Keep your eyes on your prize. Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. A: Burn the candle at both ends. Q: What do you call a military coup led by General tooth? May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. A: Rat pack. There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. A: "Oh God!" One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Sunday, 16 December 2018. "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. "You Light Up My Life.". Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? The character was introduced in 1964. The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted The Johnny Carson Show. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. A: Gatorade. Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. A: Deep freeze. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest A: The Newlywed Game. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. Share. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." sister. He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his Q: What do crabs get high on? Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. Q: Name a Kristofferson. Welcome once again, O Great Sage. Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. Carson 500's, The 1985. Line: 107 Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? My favorite Carnac(sp?) A: At both ends. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. A: David Frost. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? A: Rough cut. (Crowd applauds) #10. Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter No more years! KeyCastr. Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . resuscitation with a sick lizard. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? A: "Follow the yellow brick road." Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. sister. CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your A: 2001. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. A: Supervisor. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! A: The ZIP Code. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Rub-a-dub-dub. The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? [1] The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. ANSWER: Gatorade. Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php A: High rollers. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? A: Rosy red cheeks. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? drip. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. Carnac the Magnificent. Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! A: Madame Kitty. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? A: Sha-na-na. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. Is that a reptile? On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? Kitchy-Kitchy? Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune The Answer: Become a professional politician.
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