unemployed husband won't do housework

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-A. Ive been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years. Here are some inventive ways to help make things easier: 1) Talk openly about how hard it is to be married and stay afloat while your spouse isn't working. I am just SO disappointed with him and cant believe that he would not be working around the clock with odd jobs to take care of his family. We have since had to eat away at the savings we werent going to touch, and my credit card is about $3,000 from being back at the limit. Now I am in my mid 60s and while I always have and still can cover the bills, it looks like retirement is out of the question for me. I also dropped out of school so I can make x amount to support us and support making our movie. Thanks for listening to me. I got so angry. Starting again over here I work 7 days a week as much as I can. But her parents said that due to my hearing problem they cant agree to this relationship and fixed her marriage with someone else. Oh yeah, Ive GOT a job but im the one looking in the ads so maybe I can get a better paying job and GET THE HELL out the house. If I tell him not to, he tells me Im ridiculous and that no one will break in. Thanks for letting me vent and seeing your kindred stories. They dont understand how flooded the market is, how few jobs are open and how picky everyone is being. He has a PhD but had no commercial experience so its extra difficult for him to look for work. I soon got a part time low paid work but it did not matters as I need money. He even started an ebay business thats doing so-so, but the fees are killing just about any profit he makes. So he has these epic histrionics, I try to stay quiet no matter how much venom and nastiness he spews at me, and then he forgives me the next day. My husband of over 20 years decided he was not happy in his public service job and wanted to start his own business. This was supposed to be very temporary while he found a job so we could afford our own place. Plus I think people look at your resume and realize you are way overqualified and will not even give you a second glance. 0. Im sorry. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. Trying to figure out how to do that exactly. He got cleared last November and went to his Union Hall and there hasnt been work since. I was hoping for 10 or even 20x that. Hes definitely depressed I can see it but he keeps it from my daughter as much as possible. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. To start with, practice an attitude that regards unemployment as a temporary and manageable circumstance. even when those male partners do not work at all, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. wish him to die off hate to say. She is 27, unemployed and lost her uncle and mother in the last 2 years Emotional labor. In the meantime, DO NOT give up! Its like shes given up on herself. I live off nothing now. Every vacation in the last 4 months has been renigged because of illnesses and finance issues. I dont care because I cant take it with me when I go. Your husband, like some of the others talked about here, is not just suffering a temporary difficulty finding work. I want so badly for her to understand that everytime she loks like shes going to give up she comes closer and closer to losing me,but I can never tell her since it would be devistating. Or do you think a wife has more responsibility to do the household tasks? Where am I going with this? It feels too much on my shoulders when we arent married or engaged or even planning anything of the sort at the moment. Im suppose to be supported.. Of him its hard too really is.. I am in a similar situation, only more heartbreaking. Anyhow I hope you find a right person soon. Honestly, if hed just get and keep a job, theres be no issues. He keeps saying hes looking for jobs but we share an email account and there is no email trail and every time he goes on an interview (I get a call from my contacts saying he blew it). The end result is the same, your partner being rejected yet again and you blaming them and them blaming themselves. This has lasted way longer than we ever anticipated that it would and quite frankly there are days where I just see no light at the end of the tunnel. Its just too much for one person to handle. I can barely read these posts without tears. and i have been many of these comments, in fact, i came to this website because this is my situation. So this has been tremendously difficult for me but he does not care. The researcher conducted extensive interviews with husbands who lost their jobs and their wives who picked up the pieces. You have done an amazing job of standing by your unemployed person's side despite the mental, physical, and spiritual turmoil . He paid our rent for awhile, paid off my $6000 loan, and bought us both vehicles. And he resents my (tiny!) He says he worked for 20yrs i can support him for a while. The pay was amazing, and finally I could stop worrying about money so much, and maybe even have a week off work (I havent had a break for over two years) Hes gained quite a bit of weight and says our house is making him sick. I have no idea what purpose this will serve. At least he doesnt not smoke, drink or gamble or abuse. So to all who are supporting their better halves I take my hat off to you as I know what you are going thru. In my situation me the girlfriendunemployed for three months. But i tried to be strong, i have let it go and o have thought she was never mine but i could not forget her. Am I crazy? I am 39, never had kids, probably wont now and it is my fault. Can you please respond to me.I need to be in contact with someone going through this as well..I feel so lost and lonely. The man is supposed to be the bread winnerat least in the traditional sense. Do I dump him?? In the first year he was in a pretty bad car accident and broke some ribs and collarbone. I work a very basic job and just manage to pay the bills each month. It is a terribly helpless position. The . My husband has been in and out of jobs since I been with him and my mother always told me something was not right because of this, but I would always defend the fact that he would come across so much bad luck and how he is smart he has a degree he is an ex football player we will be okay but it just never did. Your partner not only completely disregards your very clear expressions of needing help, but he is gaslighting you. Anonymous. Thank goodness! When we met I had only just moved into a one bedroom flat and he moved in with his three kids. a lot of women on this site are obviously upset and distraught over their husbands or partners being out of work for long periods of time. I hate the doubt in my mind that he isnt trying hard enough. You get to have a life. Too often you try to put it aside and surpress it. I became by small but unrelenting progression of degrees, an absolute wreck. The root of the problem is an over abundance of average and mediocre people who have nothing particularly special about them. You can separate if you married a wrong person. I go to work as much as i can but i have a medical issue that arrises once a yearvso my hours while this happens isnt full time. Its been nine years since my husband last held a job. I work a dump job, do all the cooking, pay all the bills, take care of son. But, even before the economy sunk so low, I constantly heard when business picks up, when business picks up. Always struggling, and its almost like he is comfortable with being poor. Hes highly educated, but not being picked up by any employers. Also, he makes a good salary. Im to the point where enough is enough either change or leave. After 10 years he decides he wishes to move back to England so we do. In reality and on paper, she is a millionaire and yet, feels she can never stop working due to her difficult family background, when, as a teenager, her father went bankrupt and told her to find a job at 15, My wife is Singaporean and I am British. My problem is he wont decide and he wont discuss. I cant get over this feeling that she broke a promise to me. My partners mom is really disappointed of what happened to me. Of course, like many others on here, I was afraid to leave him for other complex reasons that are hard to describe. And I know without me he has nothing, but I also resent that fact. I am so resentful towards him. And yet she wants new furniture, better clothes, trips to Hawaii then gives me a hard time for buying a little something off Amazon for myself. But I felt inferior and struggled with that. I didnt want her to suffer any more, so I agreed that she should stop teaching for her own health and for the stregnth of out marriage. I make good money but not enough to support us both and the two kids. He takes good care of our kids (really good care)and I have peace of mind when I leave the house in the mornings. How unfairly Mrs. Clinton was treated. REALLY?!!! Townhall.com is the leading source for conservative news and political commentary and analysis. Dont be afraid to take matters into your own hands. I have become depressed myself due to the weight gain, watching him waste his life and my choice to waste my own by sticking by him through all this. I am 20 and have been with my 21 year old boyfriend for nearly 2 year at first it was fine we other worked at a pub he spoilt me as much and whenever he could and hes amazing and does help out around my parents house when asked but has been unemployed and living here for nearly a year I have had 2 jobs in this time as a receptionist which I had to resign from and my current position I Dont know what to do any more its so difficult I have to go to work every day I bring in the money and he wants stuff all the time wheres my stuff for doing the work? Im not stupid, Im aware I need to leave him. How can she let herself give up when Ive spent the last 6 years carrying her! Even my own girlfriend blamed me without considering other reasons why I wasnt getting offers. And worst of all, hes getting court summons for his credit card debt and I dont have the money to help him out of the debt so thats an even bigger stressor. I got a job in the area I was studying just a fews months before I graduated. I get no break from him, he is always there always there always there! It's ridiculous! For months, I had gently mentioned that it would be so nice if hed please, please take out the garbage when it was full, and how much I loved when our apartment was tidy. I do not love him anymore, or trust, or respect or confide in him. at this age I dont know another way out without violence which results in tickets and jail for the male. When hes out of work (he has a part of the year job so this is frequent) he just hangs around the house. Sick sick sick of abusive moochers. But My children are my most important thing in my life, they give me strength to put up these things. He'll go grocery shopping. If you feel like you are in crisis, and are located in the US, there are several nationwide services, hotlines, and clinics that can offer support specific to your situation. So, I guess some people are lucky and just have never had to deal with any problems in their lives. Your partner really needs support. I dont know if he will make a good father, if I will ever get back to uni, if he will ever be able to hold down even the simplest of jobs. Its putting a strain on our relationship and I try to be encourging and supportive and do what I can at home and take care of our son but he still seems to be pulling away. Im unsure if he has what it takes to be retrained but the relationship is over .. ill hope we can split under good circumstances . He couldnt maintain his home loans so he lost all his assets too. Do you hold stay-at-home moms in the same dim regard as you hold your husband? Dont listen to all of the horrible Christian stand-by-your man stuff. I hope everyone continues to hold onto, suicide is not the solution and neither is losing our life to unnecessary stress. After only a year and a half of being together, this man is not going to bring you any happiness. Some people try to play the responsible person but cant keep it going because deep inside they feel entitled to come and go from a job as they please because mom or dad or another girl will catch him and play house with him. I feel burdened and alone. Hed call me names. To cope with an unemployed husband, demand no less than one night in seven days when you can plan time alone or with your very own companions. In fact when I gave him this test he seemed to become annoyed-angry and I didnt get a vibe that he was an even tempered type of person. Not a call. Now we have run through my savings and my disability pay (the only income we have) will run out in 6 weeks. Dont do what some of us have done by making excuses and feeling sorry for him, hoping things will change. Last December, The New York Times reported on a regrettable trend. Ive already had 2 stress related heart attacks from work harassment and retaliation. I wouldnt care if after 90 days he left and found another job, but the fact that he always acted like it was beneath him and was always pissed just to be there performing the duties of the job. Unemployment places strain on a marital relationship for obvious reasons. Tired. i have been supportive of my husband for the 3-4 years we been together. The last person he spoke to was our 19 year old daughter. Please do not lose hope! I have asked him to get a weekend job to help and it has been 4 months. Spouse works with you to keep your living arrangements suitable. He is talented, smart, and affable, albeit suffers from the "smart so I don't have to try hard . "He is very sensitive and emotional. Yes, I buy it for him once a month (legally) and he goes through it in a week. I am frustrated with him as well, because if I lose my job, we will be homeless, and he will not have the luxury of avoiding potential covid situations. I just want this nightmare to end when my husband finally gets a job. Now i question, why is he even here? He cant even collect unemployment because due the the disability, he had no taxable income the year before. I read your post, suicide? Her husband simply looked at paid employments as a demeaning thing to do. I dont know who you are or how things turned out for you, but everything you wrote here is me today. My significant other (of 26 years) worked in the MSP industry, and was making pretty good money at the time, so we could still manage to support our high rent, and the two new cars that we had purchased over the last couple of years to commute to our jobs. It was for groceries and neccessities that i didnt have the money for so i had to put on my credit card. I dont discuss it with family or friends because they all feel enough is enough and I should leave him. Ive already used all my savings and financial aid to help with bills and groceries, and other misc. He held a steady, low paying job for about 4 of those years. You have been a tremendous blessing to him, but he has been quite a burden to you. They will undoubtedly come up with a slew of . For the last three years, I have been engaged in an erratic live-in relationship with my boyfriend who has four dependent-age children. Avoid criticisms and judgments such as, "You never do any housework! Thank you for this thread. In the beginning he failed to tell me he lost his job to cover up spending time with another women (I had proof but he wouldnt admitt to it). He refuses to tell me he loves me and has said as soon as he gets things situated he is leaving and moving back home. He had not worked for seven years. He has a degree from a nowhere school and spends a lot of time working on hobbies that dont pay him anything (he actually sometimes has to spend money for them), but the hobbies allegedly keep him sane. Ive always worked always have but due to the nature of my work clients cancel and as I work as self employed I dont get paid when they do. Staying in rented apartment. Routinizing gender production via housework, unemployed men may do less house-work even as unemployed women do more. A few hundred dollars a month maybe sometimes! Where do I turn? I also dont feel I can talk to family and friends as they, my parents in particular, feel that I should be with someone who is earning and has a career path. I had my 1st car at 23 yrs, now at 30 Im back using public transport (mini bus taxis). I really thought this was normal (were Hispanic). Instead, its still a mixed bag, but we have gotten much better at it. I dont know how to say this nicelybut your husband sounds like a total asshole. If you walk into places like Walmart and act as though you are better than this place and are merely doing them a favor by agreeing to lower your standards and work there chances are you wont be working there. Answer: In my experience, when people write about about whether or not they should leave their partner they have already made up their mind. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. I challenge any of you who offer the advice that we simply offer unconditional love and support, or who tell us to just hang on and things will get better, to live one effing DAY of our lives. So to have a baby is the biggest decision in your life. I understand you may not want to leave your bf as he somehow may give you some emotional support. Im 39 and he is 40 and he might have worked 3 years in total. If only my second boy didnt love him as much, I would have had a divorce long time ago! We are living in his parents house which is a blessing. Of course a supportive partner will help them a bit but the supportive You messed up, now you got to fix it and its tough because feelings are involved games played and keep reminding yourself of what you deserve and what you want and are able to give In return, the answer will reveal itself and the thought of you hurting yourself because of some guy with two legs a penis and no sense only shows how he has got you right where he wants you. unemployed husband won't do housework. To be honest, it doesnt sound like he has any respect or love for you It really just seems as if, to him, youre simply his supporter and money source. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? He had lunch with a guy he had an interview with in november. I wish I could be taken care of and supported for once. I love her so much and want to keep supportign her emotionally, but after 6 years of supporting her and now supporting a family by myself, Im running on empty. Copyright 2010 by Laura Hahn-Segundo Collins, LCSW. For one, is our partner willing to change and adapt to new realities? He gets angry at ME for asking him how his job hunting is goingYou guysit has been FIVE ! Ms. Y (not her real name) came in the other day and said, My husband has been unemployed for over two years. You enjoy your jobs, he enjoys his. I love him and that is holding me with him. Do you know how many times I have wanted to walk out of my job because it is horrible? I thought once the recovery happens and he gradYates with his degree hed be motivated and do something with his time. But, I do everything around the home. So he has started smoking weed to cope. All he want to do is get drunk and do music. While you support him, he has no reason to change. I am ready to move on and I told him. I climb ladders to change light bulbs which I shouldn't be doing that bc of my back. He is not good with money at all, and I cant make him stick to a budget. Women, children and minorities are victims. Im serious. "We can't talk about the employment situation," he said. In a perfect world, both partners would work toward the success of their relationship. Afterwards, he said he wanted to try medical coding. I have been with my partner for more than 3 years. My husband works periodically, hell go for a few months or 8 at the most and then hell get laid off. Ive seen my friends work to find a job. My mom tell me now that he have tp hear lots of rubbish things from dad because of me because i am not having a job. How to cope with an unemployed husband? My husband recently retired, while I'm still working part-time. This is why so many people are unemployed because they are great, equivalent to franchise caliber free agents in sports and they are found to be weird or intimidating due to hiring managers being used to average and mediocre people. I have no clue what is going to happen really dont.. Depending on where you live, it might not be that expensive. I hope everything goes well from here. I get that the job market isnt great and nothing has panned out yet in his job search in his field. Then if after all this, he STILL WONT GET A JOBYOU MUST LEAVE THIS MAN CHILD. Its true that this is a bad time for men. I have worked at the same place for seven years. So, that was about 3 months ago. He going to college now for his ba. Have no savings, living paycheck to paycheck and living with family. :(, Omg im miss y. Anyways, even that gets tiring because medical studies is like anything else, its not consistent, and its up and down, depending on if my husband keeps his weight down and his vitals right! Im so frustrated!!! More than anything, I am so so so tired. I doubt itll be the same thing, I swear. He keeps leaving the front door unlocked. When they enter into relationship, they do not expect their partner not working for long time. Hear me.

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