Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. If pilots screw up, they die. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Reply: No, I say again. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Now he likes peanuts.. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. What happened Sergeant? Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 44. Rodrigues there? Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. A Recruiter Misled You. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Attention! She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? How tough? Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Why were the Marines invented? ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. There are many branches of the military. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Why? I asked. Marine: Wait, stop. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Theres a post recall and he went to work. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . 6. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. How tough? An officer asked if I knew what it meant. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. The INFANTry! Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. 3. We recommend our users to update the browser. 14. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. We were a tough group. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. But I had the last laugh. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Hey, Im from Chicago too!. I was very nervous, she said. More information More like this I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. He nodded. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Gary Toohard. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. She told me she warships them. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. I will take the both of you for a ride. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Do you have change for a dollar? You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Thanks. Anecdotes 1. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. 54. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Then one day I couldnt find it. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. 2. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Eternal Piece We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Altitude is life insurance. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. 41. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. 16. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas 2. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Attention! But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. He is the Founder and . 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! 12. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Im 81 years old, he answered. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Pilots 5. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Auld Lang Slice Soldier: Sure, buddy. Eat up! Takeoffs are optional. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. 15. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. SUB sandwiches! And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Military 3. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? A drill serGENTLEMEN! Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Individual use is by implied consent. Aircraft Engineers 1. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. What are you doing? I asked. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? If it doesnt move, pick it up. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. It was PRIVATE. Marines Say OOOOORAH! A drill serGENTLEMEN! 45. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. What do hungry Marines eat? From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Me: Hello? What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Later, I spoke with Mom. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. She also liked her scotch. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Louis, I grumbled. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. 35. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Caller: Sgt. USN: Helos ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. 30. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. 46. 29. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Do you want to hear about my plane?. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? . I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Large mahogany desk.. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? Whats an LMD? I asked. What would As A.J. 1. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Caller: Is Sgt. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. 10. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? They know how to take up space. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Caller: Do you have his right number? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. He needed COVER! In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. (pointing at the sky). Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? He thought he would be home about 13:30. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? The c.i.a. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Then came Dads ships turn. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . I was the cook.. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? Marine: Wait, stop. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information.
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